For almost 100 years youth ministry has involved games. Everything from basketball to hide-n-seek to shaving balloons, they have become fixtures in church youth ministries all over the world (…kind of strange, isn’t it?). We are not completely sure why they are such a big part of what we do, but we use them extensively just the same. Kind of like the wave and the chicken dance at sporting events.
So what if you have a teen in your youth group who is physically and/or mentally challenged? We preach that there’s room at the foot of the cross for everyone. Is there room at the monthly games night for teens who don’t have these challenges?
From time to time I have teens attend youth group with disabilities, but the one that sticks out to me the most is a great man named Doug Butler. I was a teenager attending a youth group he arrived each night in a wheelchair. Doug had muscular dystrophy. We hung out often, though communication was a challenge. I could ask him questions and he could answer yes or no, but we couldn’t carry on conversation. He couldn’t even use his hands to gesture or sign anything. I admired him so much because he would laboriously raise his hands in worship when we sang and would make noises with his mouth in an attempt to sing with us. There was nothing wrong with his brain but he could barely control the muscles in his body. Sadly, Doug left this world before his 19th birthday, a very sad day for all of us in the youth group.
One memory I’ll never forget was when a couple teens in the group thought it would be a good idea to bring him into the gym. A stray dodge ball hit his leg and, though there was no harm done, it did look like he was concerned and wanting to get out of there. The teens quickly brought him back out.
I often wonder what Doug was thinking on many occasions. And how would he feel attending my youth group now? How would he feel while we are doing this or that at our weekly youth gathering? I am unable to fully appreciate what it would be like, but I have found the following principles very helpful:
1. When planning your program(s), keep them in mind. Try and see things through their eyes. For each item on your event agenda, ask yourself what it would be like for this teen or that teen during for each segment of the program. “But should we change our whole program for just one teenager?” I should hope so.
2. Be sensitive to the variety of challenges that exist. We tend to be better about teens with noticeable challenges, but we fall short in helping teens with challenges that do not easily invoke our sympathy. Take ADHD, for example. Teens who wrestle with it are often labeled as problems and not helped. Think of the last time you asked the group to sit down and be quiet for an hour while you talked… does that sound like something a teenager with ADHD would be able to handle? Similarly, do teens who struggle with social skills (e.g. Asperger’s) get good attention from youth workers, or is it the more socially popular teens who get that? Let’s keep our eyes open for any and all possible challenges.
3. Get rid of the patronizing voice. Sometimes when we see someone in a wheel chair and/or who has difficulty communicating, our voices go up an octave, our eyebrows are raised, and our heads are tilted slightly to the right as if we were a flight attendant welcoming a five-year-old onto a flight to Orlando. Unless you have a particular mentally challenged teen who responds well to, it’s best to lose the act. Treat them the same as any other teen at the event.
4. Find ways in which they can participate and invite them to do so. If someone is unable to run, they may be able to ref. If they are unable to answer quickly, they may be able to judge. If they are unable to stand and sing, they may be able to help run the sound system. Teens appreciate being given something to do.
5. Be consistent. Amy Jacober (an associate professor at Truett Theological Seminary) wrote about how much alienation is experienced by those who have disabilities. She explains how churches are often supportive at first but soon forget those teens altogether—just like the rest of society. Is this what the Kingdom of God looks like?
Let’s not forget that when we read Genesis 1:27 we find no conditions nor exceptions: ALL of humanity is created in God’s image. And if we’re completely honest, we all have our own disabilities. It’s just that most of us have creative ways to hide them. And that too is a little strange… don’t you think?
The Novice Youth Pastor 